Expanding the Adoption Narrative: Considering the Experiences of Biological Children in Adoptive Families

Introduction

Adoption is a lifelong journey and impacts the lives of children, families, and their communities. For children who cannot remain with their biological families, adoption offers permanence, safety, and the possibility of belonging. Over the past several decades, adoption professionals, researchers, and advocates have worked tirelessly to improve adoption practices and outcomes for children. Much of the adoption conversation has focused, rightly, on the experiences and needs of adoptees, adoption reshapes an entire family system. Parents, adopted children, and biological children all experience the transition differently, but one perspective remains rarely discussed: the experience of the biological children who grow up alongside adopted siblings.

Background

Family researchers have long recognized that sibling relationships play a central role in children's identity formation, emotional development, and social learning. Within adoptive families, sibling relationships also shape how children understand adoption, family belonging, and connections to birth family. (1)

Despite this, the experiences of biological children in adoptive families have historically received far less attention in research and policy discussions. Psychologist Dr. Jana Hunsley has described biological children in adoptive families as “the invisible family members.” Her work focuses specifically on the experiences of children who grow up alongside adopted siblings, particularly when those siblings arrive with histories of trauma or loss. Hunsley’s research suggests that biological children in adoptive families often develop strong empathy and a heightened awareness of others’ needs. (2) At the same time, many report that their own emotional experiences were less visible within the family system when compared to siblings whose needs required more immediate attention. Acknowledging this dynamic is not a criticism of adoption. Rather, it recognizes that adoption affects every member of the family and that understanding the full family system can strengthen adoptive households.

Birth order is another important dimension within adoptive families. Developmental psychologists have long observed that birth order can influence personality development, expectations, and family roles. (3) When families adopt children—particularly older children or sibling groups—the existing birth order may shift dramatically. A child who was once the oldest may become a middle child overnight. An only child may suddenly become one of several siblings. These transitions are not inherently negative. Many children develop adaptability, leadership skills, and cross-cultural awareness through these experiences. However, acknowledging the shift in family roles can help children better understand their evolving place within the household.

Adoption professionals widely support keeping biological siblings together whenever possible. Maintaining sibling relationships can provide continuity and emotional stability for children who have already experienced separation from their birth parents. Research suggests that sibling bonds can serve as powerful protective factors for adopted children, supporting resilience and adjustment throughout childhood. (4) However, welcoming sibling groups into a family changes the family dynamic. Biological children may suddenly share their home, their bedroom, and parental attention with new siblings who are navigating trauma recovery and significant life transitions. Recognizing these changes allows families to support all children more effectively.

Author’s Story

My own childhood unfolded within this type of family environment. My parents adopted 15 children from around the world, including sibling sets and children with significant needs. I was the first born. My brother was adopted when I was eight months old and others came into the family each year until I was 16 years old. Throughout my childhood, I remained the only biological child and the only White child. This dynamic created a unique identity experience for me. While I welcomed my siblings and never questioned that they belonged in our family, I often struggled to understand where I fit within it. As the only biological child in a household that continued to expand through adoption, I occupied a space that was difficult to define. I was both part of the story and somehow outside of it, experiencing the same family through an entirely different lens. I witnessed each new arrival, helped welcome my brothers and sisters into our home, and loved them fiercely. Yet with every addition, I also felt my own place becoming harder to name. From an early age, I learned to live within that paradox—to feel deeply connected to the people I loved while quietly carrying the loneliness of an experience that no one else in my family seemed to share.

Complicating this dynamic further was my relationship with my maternal grandmother. She held strong concerns about my parents adopting so many children and what those decisions might mean for me as their biological child. Out of protectiveness, she often pulled me aside—emotionally and physically—creating a dynamic where I was singled out in ways that were not always well understood by the rest of the family.

For my siblings, this looked like favoritism. For me, it created confusion and tension. These dynamics were never openly addressed within the family system, and the resulting misunderstandings contributed to resentment among some of my siblings. Experiences like this illustrate how complex adoptive family systems can become when different generations hold varying perspectives on adoption.

Some researchers and clinicians have also explored the concept of secondary trauma within family systems. Secondary trauma refers to emotional stress experienced by individuals who live in close proximity to someone processing trauma. (5) In adoptive families, biological children may witness emotional dysregulation, behavioral struggles, or intense family stress related to trauma recovery. Many may respond by becoming highly responsible, independent, or emotionally self-sufficient. These qualities often become strengths later in life. However, when their experiences are not acknowledged, biological children may also feel invisible within the broader adoption narrative.

Recommendations

As I began speaking openly about my childhood, I discovered that many other biological children from adoptive families had similar stories. Several communicated that what they really wanted was something simple: recognition that their experience was also part of the adoption story. Recognizing the experiences of biological children can strengthen adoptive families and support healthier outcomes for everyone involved. Based on both research and lived experience, several approaches may be helpful:

1. Prepare existing children in the family for adoption, including potential changes in birth order, family identity and dynamics, and attention given to each child
   1. When welcoming sibling groups, families should give special consideration to the established relationships and familial loyalties, attachment patterns, and often, shared trauma histories, that siblings placed in an adoptive home together may share.
2. Maintain regular one-on-one time with each child.
3. Encourage open conversations about adoption and mixed emotions within the family.
4. Seek guidance from adoption-competent professionals when family dynamics become complex.

Conclusion

The adoption community has made extraordinary progress in understanding the needs of adoptees and adoptive parents. Expanding the conversation to include biological children does not detract from that work—it strengthens it.

Adoption changes many lives at once. By listening to every member of the family system, including those whose voices have been quieter, we can deepen our understanding of what adoption truly means and continue building families where every child feels seen and valued.