Adopting Older Children: What You Need to Know

This can vary greatly depending on the type of adoption and the professionals involved. For example, if a child has moved through multiple foster care placements, a great deal of information may be available from multiple foster parents. In contrast, information may be less readily available for a child new to the foster care system. While all information should be shared transparently, some parents share that they received an idealized version of their child to promote placement. It is important to expect that your child will probably not be exactly “as described”.² It is also important to ask the agency you are working with for any additional information that you believe might be helpful.

Parents can seek out and engage in classes and training that focus on a variety of topics, including:

• Self-reliance. Adolescents who have been in care or lived in challenging situations often learn to be self-reliant and independent, rather than relying on others. Some may have had to parent younger siblings or other foster children, and these behaviors do not go away just because a child gets adopted.
• Grief and loss. Children adopted as adolescents may have experienced multiple significant losses along the way. It is possible they have lost their birth family and moved through multiple placements, losing significant relationships with each move. Children may also experience a loss of their culture.
• Inconsistent norms. The rules may differ in your home from those in previous placements. Something that feels routine in your home, such as “clearing your plate” or “making your bed,” may be something your child needs to learn.
• Trauma. Many adolescents demonstrate developmental delays that can be a natural response to trauma.
• Developmental Delays & Attachment Difficulties. Developmental delays can occur for multiple reasons, including as a response to trauma. Additionally, attachment difficulties can occur in older children, and training for this should be different from that for parents adopting younger children.
• Relationships with Birth Family. These relationships can be very complex, and training can help navigate issues that might arise.

For more information on these topics, see Improving long-term outcomes in adolescent adoption.³

Additionally, it is important to remember that training and support can and should continue post-adoption, as different challenges and different issues may emerge at different times. “Professionals and the adoption community must work together to remove the stigma and shame of needing help post-placement.”⁴

There are, of course, the very practical benefits of “skipping” some tricky developmental challenges--you probably won’t have to engage in potty training! Additionally, “one of the most powerful benefits of adopting an older child is that you have the opportunity to be a permanent positive influence in that child’s life. Children do better in families than in out-of-home care, and pursuing older child adoption means that you are giving the gifts of home and family to a child who otherwise would still be waiting.”⁵

Children adopted at an older age may have experienced trauma and neglect and not had the opportunity to form a secure attachment with an adult. These children may have more difficulty forming an attachment with their new parents and may resist emotional bonding. Additionally, children may have experienced insecurities in the past that impact their behavior in the present. For example, a child who experienced food insecurity may hoard food. Children who have not felt secure in a home in the past may “test” their new adoptive family to learn their limits.⁶

Children who are adopted at an older age are likely to already have an established cultural identity and, in some cases, may even speak a different language. They may be a different race from you. It is important to make sure you have the tools you need to help your child adjust. This may include learning about a new culture and incorporating its customs, or ensuring that you can provide extra English Language Learner supports.⁷ You can also seek out reading and education in this area, such as this Parenting Children of a Different Race or Culture course.⁸ The organization Pact offers an extensive library of readings on Race and Adoption.⁹

Yes! Children who were adopted from foster care at an older age are more likely to qualify for financial aid. Medical and mental health assistance may also be available, but varies state to state. This resource from the Child Welfare Information Gateway shares summaries of adoption and guardianship assistance programs and services in each state.¹⁰ This resource shares information on available assistance for paying for adoption.¹¹ Children adopted via intercountry adoption generally do not receive ongoing adoption subsidies.

“As an adoptive parent, you’ll focus much of your mental and emotional energy on meeting the needs of your new child. This is good and natural, but you also need to remember to take care of yourself.”¹² You may want to find a therapist who can help with the transition and help you process unexpected challenges as they arise. This NCFA resource shares information on how to find an adoption-competent therapist.¹³

Even though you are adopting an older child, many of the resources available to you remain the same.

• Just as with a younger child, having an adoption-competent pediatrician can be especially valuable. A list of adoption-competent medical providers can be found here.
• Your child may be assessed and found eligible for special education services in school. Your child will receive an Individualized Education Plan (IEP), which describes your child’s educational needs and how those needs will be met. For a deep dive on special education, visit this guide from the Center for Parent Information & Resources.¹⁴
• Look for adoption support groups in your area; connect with other parents who “get it.”

1. Reed, K & Kittle, K. (2020). Improving long-term outcomes in adolescent adoption. Improving Outcomes in Adolescent Adoption | Gaps in Education
2. Ibid.
3. Ibid.
4. Reed, K & Kittle, K. (2020). Improving long-term outcomes in adolescent adoption. Improving Outcomes in Adolescent Adoption | Gaps in Education
5. Hicks, S. (2019). Adopting an older child. Adopting an Older Child | Adoption.com
6. Tolison, K. & Williams, C. (2020). Adopting an older child: Unique challenges to keep in mind. Adopting an Older Child | Challenges to Keep in Mind
7. Gladney Center for Adoption. (2020). What question should I ask before adopting an older child? What Questions Should I Ask Before Adopting an Older Child? | Adoption.org
8. Parenting Children of a Different Race or Culture (for Parents) - National Council For Adoption
9. Race and Adoption Archives | pact
10. Child Welfare Information Gateway. (nd). Adoption & guardianship assistance by state. Adoption & Guardianship Assistance by State | Child Welfare Information Gateway
11. National Council for Adoption. (nd). How to afford adoption: Financial help, tax credits, adoption grants, and more. How to Afford Adoption: Financial Help, Tax Credits, Adoption Grants & More
12. Gladney Center for Adoption. (2020). What question should I ask before adopting an older child? What Questions Should I Ask Before Adopting an Older Child? | Adoption.org
13. Hill, S. (2024). I spy helpful help: How to find an adoption-competent therapist. I Spy Helpful Help: How to Find an Adoption-Competent Therapist
14. Center for Parent Information & Resources. (2017). Special education. Special Education - Center for Parent Information and Resources