Accessing Birth and Adoption Records—A Practical Guide for Adoptees

 

Additionally, DNA results can prove to be confusing to interpret. Nonprofits such as Search Angels[11] and DNAngels can help individuals through “DNA interpretation, mapping, and extensive research.”[12]^*

Using Social Media

There are numerous potential benefits to utilizing social media for a search. These matches can often happen quite quickly. Individuals may feel more comfortable searching given the relative anonymity that social media can provide. Social media can also provide opportunities for support from other individuals going through similar experiences. However, it is also important to remember the potential risks associated with using social media. For example, nothing on social media can be assumed to be private. Once it is posted, information can be shared easily. This is especially important to remember when posting pictures, as they can often enable location tracking.[13]

International Adoption

Searching for records in the case of international adoption can prove to be particularly challenging.[14] The agency that facilitated the adoption is the best place to start. There are some international registries, such as the International Soundex Reunion Registry.[15]^* There may also be resources specific to the country you were adopted from. For example, Wesley Hagood, president of the Families with Children from China – Capital Area adoption group, adopted two daughters from China in 2003 and 2006. Wes and his wife helped both their daughters search for their biological families and, in 2020, found their older daughter’s birth family and were able to confirm it through DNA testing. They then wrote a book, Searching for Your Chinese Birth Family, designed to help other families have a successful search.[16] They also formed the Chinese Birth Family Search Network, with the mission of acting “as a clearing house, pointing to the best resources available to plan, launch, and perform a Chinese birth family search.”[17]

Support

Overall, this journey can be very fulfilling but also may be full of unexpected bumps and turns. It is especially important to find ways to take care of your mental health throughout the process.

• Seek out support from family and friends.
• Find out if there are adoption-competent therapists in your area. They will be more familiar with the emotions specific to search and reunion.[18]
• It can be helpful to learn about other people’s search stories. Resources like the Center for Adoption Support & Education’s webinar, entitled "Search and Reunion in Domestic and International Adoption," share stories of how searches have gone for others.[19]

Real-Life Stories

This article aims to offer practical guidance on considering and progressing with a search. While thinking about embarking on a search, it can be useful to hear the real-life experiences of individuals who have gone through the experience. We are grateful to Cory and Beth**, who graciously shared their stories with us, and we are proud to share them here.

Cory’s Story

Cory was born in Ft. Worth, Texas, in 1972 and adopted via a closed adoption. He says, “I knew growing up I would never meet my biological parents, and I was fine with that.” However, during COVID, Cory’s mother began creating a family tree, including details about when her ancestors had immigrated from Ireland. Cory was nearly fifty, and the more his mother talked about this project, the more he realized that the history she was describing was not his history and these were not his ancestors. Encouraged by the recent experience of a friend who took a DNA test and found his half-sister, Cory decided to use a DNA test to learn more about his family history. Almost immediately, he found much more than that: one of his birth mother’s siblings reached out and said, after some correspondence, that his sister was interested in meeting Cory. As Cory shares, “Seeing her name for the first time led me to tears. There she was. A real person—not just this imaginary person in my mind. It was my first connection to this lady who has been a mystery my entire life. I immediately felt her love. I literally stared at her name for hours.” Finding his birth father proved to be a little more challenging. There were no hits from the DNA test on that side, so Cory decided to reach out to Search Angels. They agreed to take his case and, after almost two years, identified his birth father.

Cory has met and spent time with both of his birth parents. His biggest piece of advice is not to have expectations when embarking on a search. There is a reason why people place a child for adoption, so expecting to meet a millionaire or hear a glamorous story is not realistic. As Cory says, “Take the story that’s given, and that’s your story.”

Beth’s Story

Beth was adopted as an infant through Spence-Chapin. She has an older sister who is also adopted, and they both grew up knowing that they were adopted. Beth looks a lot like her mother (her sister does not), and the family discussed how family resemblance was an important criterion for her birth mother when choosing an adoptive placement. Beth did not spend a great deal of time thinking about her birth family growing up. She said that when friends would find out she was adopted, they would always ask if she was curious about her birth parents and say things like, “Oh, you have to find your birth mom,” but that was not something that resonated for her.

Fast forward to ten years ago when Beth was 30 and, due to ideological differences, her relationship with her father had disintegrated. She had started therapy to deal with family and career issues, but not explicitly with adoption-related issues. At that time, Beth was also making annual donations to Spence-Chapin and, through their e-mail list, received an invitation to a (then) new group for adult adoptees called Voices of Adoption. Beth was in Boston, and the group met in NYC, which presented a fairly high barrier to entry, until COVID turned everything virtual. Joining that virtual meeting was a first step for Beth and a huge one. There have been many subsequent steps in her search, and for each one, there has been an important lesson: listen to yourself and trust your gut to know if you are ready to make that next move.

Beth learned through Voices of Adoption when New York State made it legal to request a birth certificate, and once she felt the time was right, she requested it. This helped her identify her birth mother, with whom she has had some email contact. Her next step was taking a 23andMe test, at first just to learn about her ethnic background. Later, she opened up the networking side of the site and immediately found a cousin who led her to her birth father. That part of the journey has been quite difficult; now in his 60s, he has dealt with significant mental illness since his 20s. Her relationships with her uncle and cousins on her birth father’s side continue to grow.

For Beth, the most important part of searching is that you have to be in a place where you are okay, no matter what you find and no matter how things turn out. Do not undertake a search in order to fill a void; enter the journey from a place of strength. She says that at every step, she engages in self-reflection to ensure she is not starting with any assumptions. Additionally, because searching can be hard and disappointing, support is crucial. Know which individuals are “safe” to share your story with and know who it is best to only share surface details with. Beth says that, because she has found amazing resources and support and followed her own inner timeline and listened to herself, she has been able to handle the not-so-pretty parts of her journey and take the beautiful parts and run with them.

^*NCFA does not endorse any particular registry or service. This information is provided for reference only.

** Beth’s name has been changed to protect her anonymity.